Welcome to the Useless Software Foundation™!
The home of Counterproductive Applications™.
"If anyone finds this site useful, we want to hear about it.℠"
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Copyright ©2007 the Useless Software Foundation™
Disclaimer: All rights reserved;
terms are subject to change without notice;
illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail;
any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead,
is unintentional and purely coincidental;
do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law;
hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend,
fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary;
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void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise
restricted; caveat emptor; provided "as is"
without any warranties; customer assumes full responsibility;
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quantities are limited while supplies last;
if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix
them yourself, but return to an authorized service center;
use at your own risk; parental discretion advised,
web site may contain explicit materials some readers may find
objectionable; keep away from sunlight; keep away from OJ;
keep away from pets and small children;
limit one-per-family please; no money down;
no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win;
some assembly required; batteries not included;
instructions are included; action figures sold separately;
no preservatives added; slippery when wet;
safety goggles may be required during use;
sealed for your protection, do not use if safety seal
is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages
arising from use or misuse; for external use only;
if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops,
discontinue use; use only with proper ventilation;
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or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit;
do not place near a flammable or magnetic source;
smoking could be hazardous to your health;
the best safeguard, second only to abstinence,
is the use of a condom; no salt, MSG, artificial color
or flavoring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting,
if symptoms persist, consult a physician;
ribbed for your pleasure;
possible penalties for early withdrawal;
offer valid only at participating sites;
allow four to six weeks for delivery; must be 18 to use;
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and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper use,
incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized use,
broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered
serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts,
sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not
covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash,
ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing,
dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass,
mud slides, forest fire, or projectile
(which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets,
shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes,
or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives,
stones, etc.); other restrictions may apply.